Not what I was expecting...

What an exhausting day…  Last night I didn’t sleep well, I guess because I was so nervous about today.  I remember right after I had M, and it was time to return back to work, I would seriously have panic attacks almost every day.  That is what is has been like this week…  If you have ever had panic attacks, you know how horrible they are!  Tuesday after we went to the school to get M enrolled we went and had a bite to eat before I had to go to work, and I remember sitting there, and all the sudden I got sick to my stomach, my heart was pounding, and all I wanted to do was block out everything around me.   It took everything I had to make it home, trying to hurry up to take something for my anxiety.  Today was pretty much a repeat of Tuesday.   At first I was fine, and M seemed to do really well while we were at the school this morning.  It wasn’t long after we left, that my husband sends me text letting me know that M had gotten sick and he was going to have to go get him.  My heart dropped…   I don’t think I was truly ready for this step.  It hurts not being able to be the one that is there for your baby.   My husband said when he got to the school M was calling out for me…   As I’m sitting at my desk at work, my eyes are filling up with tears.  The teachers told my husband he cried for 20 minutes after we left him this morning.   My poor baby hasn’t ever been left like that before.  I wonder what was going through his mind.   I was so glad to know he was back home, where he belongs.  And I was even happier, when he was in my arms.

Baby boy, mama sure does love you! 
The first day wasn’t all that it was hyped up to be…  All the prep that went into it, hoping for it to be a great day.  The little man did have some fun I believe, but I know he was extremely happy to be home amongst his belongings.  I know his sissy and daddy were glad to have him home also.  I can’t believe we have to do this again next week.  Maybe by then, we will be ready to give it another try.  I just never thought it would be this hard. 

Baby boy has no idea what is getting ready to happen!

It well get easier, but today it was rough on everyone…   
Both kids ended up getting sick today…  It has been a pretty rough day for the husband.  But whatever it was that they had has passed.  This evening they both seem to be feeling better.  Not sure if it was nerves, I know sissy was pretty upset this morning when we left without bubba.  She seriously screamed cried the entire way home.  And my husband said she was pretty fussy all day, until after she woke from her afternoon nap, and had her brother to wake up too.  This has truly been a rough day for everyone involved…  My sweet babies are in bed, and that is where I need to be.   I would love a goodnights sleep, my body and mind need it.  I wish my brain had a stop or mute button!

Look at that poor face, sissy was so upset!  I think she might have taken it harder than anyone else!  But then again, she is the drama queen of our house…  Mama loves you sweet girl!
  Tomorrow is Friday, and I’m looking forward to the weekend!

Goodnight sweet angels!

xoxo, Shanna


  1. Duty without love is deplorable.
    Duty with love is desirable.
    Love without duty is Divine.
    And I believe Maddox loves his Mommie
    & Daddy. Of course Little Ashlynn loves
    Them all. Nuthing but Love.

  2. What a big day in your household. M looked so precious with his daddy, you and then with his backpack. He is getting to be such a big boy. Sometimes you wish they wouldn't grow up so fast. I know it broke your heart to find out he got upset and started crying but it'll probably get easier forhimand you after he goes a few more times. The picture of A is what tore me up. She looked as though she took Bubba going to school pretty hard. Poor little drama queen. Sure glad they're both feeling much better, there's nothing worse than a sick child. Can't wait to see y'all on Saturday. Hope you get some rest and start feeling better.

    Much love,

  3. Sorry you guys had a rough day!! I'm glad both kiddos are better now...i know lots of kiddos who have contracted the flu this season.... We all got the shot, so let's hope it stays out of our house!!
    So sad M had a rough day at school.... I know it's heartbreaking. When we went to meet the teacher night, we had to leave Braden in his classroom while we went to orientation..... By the time we were done with orientation (about 20-30 minutes) Braden was doing that muffled cry...you know, the one where they've cried so long that it just sounds like they're trying to catch their breath.... Made me so sad. Then, about the first 5 times I dropped him off, he cried and chased me out the classroom door and the teachers had to hold him. The good thing is, when he was picked up at the end of the day, he didn't want to leave. I know it doesn't make it any easier for you .... But I just wanted you to know it's normal, and Braden went through the same thing. Pretty soon... He'll be excited to go to school... And mike will enjoy the much needed break, and Ashylnn will love her one on one time with daddy, and Maddox will feel like an independent big boy, and you and mike will be so proud of the things that M is learning so quickly (although they also learn some undesirable things at school too!) but mostly good
    It doesn't seem like it now... But it will get easier and everyone will be better for it!

    Love you all,

    Auntie Kim


Thank you for stopping by! Please stay around and visit, I love being able to connect with new people! xoxo, Shanna