No bueno for me...

One of my favorite parts of the day has always been our bedtime routine.  Getting to take my daughter into the bedroom, and have quiet time, just the two of us, a perfect end to the day.  It’s dark, quiet and peaceful in the bedroom where I would feed, rock and sing to her.  And there would be times, mama would fall asleep too, and the husband would end up putting her to bed, because mama would get so relaxed she would pass smooth out. 

But then came the day the doctor, who I don't like very well at this moment, told me we needed to start putting her to bed awake, and letting her learn to put herself to sleep, blah blah blah... You know the drill, the part that stinks, no bueno for me.  Which it took a couple weeks, but she finally started putting herself to sleep.  Yay, but don't get too excited...


Until the other night…   
She started the whole crying and screaming for 45 minutes to an hour, not letting up at all, all over again.  Me going into her bedroom to reassure her that I’m here and rubbing her back, for me just to walk out and her start up all over again with the crying and screaming.  This is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt, I want to cry with her.  I can’t STAND to see or hear my babies cry, AT ALL!  It breaks my heart.  And my poor baby boy gets upset because he doesn’t understand what is wrong, and why his sissy is crying.  Which that causes me to fall apart!
I believe this has been the hardest part of parenting for me; and it use to be my favorite.  It’s more heartbreaking at this point then hard.  I feel like I am abandoning my daughter, as she is calling out for her mama, with no response back in a dark room.  I mean that is scary I’m sure for a little one.  I hope this passes soon, because I don’t think I can handle much more of this.  If it does continue, my husband is going to have two crying and screaming babies on his hands that he will be dealing with...


Sweet girl, mama loves you!  If I could hold you in my arms all night I sure would, but I do understand that you do need to know how to put yourself to sleep.  Please don't ever hold this against me!  You are and always will be my sweet beautiful precious angel! 
Goodnight sweet angels!

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xoxo, Shanna


  1. Oh, that is so hard, Shanna! Hang in there! With my second, I ended up sitting by his crib and hold his hand while he cried so he knew I was there... it was a very long night, but he did so much better the next day.

  2. Your stronger than me momma! My daughter slept in my bed until she was 10 (not a good thing) and my son who is now 1 sleeps in his crib directly beside my bed. He would be in my bed too BUT he doesn't want to be. That about broke my heart! Your definitely doing the right thing. Wish I was as strong as you!

  3. Thank you ladies for the very much needed encouragement! It has been really rough, and my daughter is so strong willed. That's a great thing, but not in this case. xoxo, Shanna


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