When will it ever end...

Sometimes I feel that I’m lost.  I have never felt this way, until recently.  I’m having a hard time finding myself.  I would love to smile and laugh again.  I would love to find my sense of humor.  But at this time, I seem to be feeling sorry for myself more than anything.  The doctor told me the other day, that is total normal, but I don’t agree.  This isn’t normal; no one should have to feel this way.  And with my luck, things keep getting better and better.  It turns out, I have two fractures, a swollen tendon, a tore cartilage, a bruised heel bone, and the list truly goes on.  I’m now out for at least six weeks, if not longer.

After talking to several doctors on Monday, I guess I’m going to move forward with the spinal cord stimulator.  As freaked out about it as I am, I guess this is the best route for me. 
If it does help with some of the pain, that would put me in a better situation that I’m currently in, right.

I just truly want a break, and it just doesn’t seem to be happening.  I just seem to keep causing more pain to myself.  I’m an accident constantly waiting to happen.

The kiddos do enjoy having me home, and that is great, as I enjoy being home with them too.  As will as my ChloBear, she enjoys having mama home too so that we can take naps together.  But it’s always hard, when I do return back to work.

Right now, I need to find some shows that can keep me occupied during this time.  Anyone have any good suggests?  I’m up for anything.

The kiddos have been full of energy, and have been going nonstop.  They have been keeping me pretty busy.  And of course me being locked in this house my OCD has kicked in full force, so I feel sorry for everyone in this house.  This always happens; I can’t stand for stuff to be out of place.  When I’m working, I’m too busy to worry about the mess our house is in, but when I have nothing else better to do, it drives me insane.  And then I end up driving everyone in this house insane.  It never seems to end.

I can’t believe this weekend is Mother’s Day, and I don’t have anything planned, not good.  I guess, I big fat I LOVE YOU, will have to do this year.

I’m extremely tired, I haven’t been sleeping well due to my foot, so I’m hoping tonight I will get some good rest, I guess we shall see.

Cheers to it being Wednesday.  Two more days and the weekend will be here!

xoxo,

Shanna

a crazy month...

Friday morning my sweet baby boy woke-up to find I wasn’t here.  He is use to his mama still being home when he wakes in the morning.  We have a routine; I get him milk, cereal, and then turn on Thomas the Tank Engine before I walk out the door.  He is set in his ways, he doesn’t want anyone else getting him his milk, cereal or turning on Thomas the Tank Engine.  I guess it was around 8:30 Friday morning when I got a phone call at work…  I answer the phone to hear a sad little voice on the other end.  He was upset that I had left for work, without him getting to see me.  But the truly amazing part about him calling me was, he called me all by himself.  I can't believe my three year old, already knows how to use a cell phone to call his mama.  Sweet baby boy, mama will try to make sure she doesn’t leave again like that, without getting your milk, cereal and Thomas ready for you.

Life has had me turned upside down lately.  The month of April flew by, and was pretty much a blur.  And it appears May is going to be the same way.  Even though April was crazy busy for me, we did manage to have some fun…  We enjoyed coloring eggs for Easter, and getting to hunt them the next day.  Unfortunately we had to do it in the house, due to bad weather…  We got to enjoy family time on Easter with both sides of our family.  The following weekend, we got to see Thomas the Tank Engine, we didn’t only see him, we got to enjoy our first train ride as a family.  The little ones have enjoyed lots of outside time, riding bikes, jumping on the trampoline, coloring on the sidewalk, having water gun fights, and just being kids. 


***caution photo overload*** 



getting ready to color eggs for the first time, someone is excited...


my little pro, he has been wanting to color eggs since February...

i love her facial expression in this photo...

nothing like chasing bubbles...

and lots of bubbles at that...

finding the eggs that we colored...

sweet baby boy...

pure sweetness, so innocent...


i got this...


best buds...


girl after my own heart...  love me some basketball...


he loves to jump and have you sing songs...  so a lot of singing and clapping hands takes place in the trampoline.  but i wouldn't have it any other way!


i told you, i got this... watch and learn...


everyone cheered for Thomas, a really useful engine...


making new friend, along the way...


daddy and his baby girl...  nothing sweeter than seeing these two together and the bond they already have!


precious and Thomas approved!


me and my little man taking a break to enjoy a snow cone together...

while the cats away...

the mice shall play...

and play they did...

sweet little messes!

The stressful side of April…  Someone withdraw a pretty 
large sum of money from our account without our approval, and forged my signature on some paperwork, awesome I know.  That in itself has caused major stress in our house.   After several phone calls with the bank, the money was put back in our account.  Thank goodness, but now I have to file charges against this company.  Aside from that, my doctor wants to put a spinal cord stimulator in my back, to help control my pain.  This isn’t something I want to have done, but there isn't many options out there for RSD, and even if I do decide to do this, at best it will only take care of about 50% of my pain.  And to top it off, I know have tendonitis and a fracture in the same foot as the RSD.  Awesome, I just know my doctor is probably going to lecture me pretty hard on Monday, when I see him.  

I’m hoping May won't be quite as eventful as April. April lift me very exhausted...  And I wasn't alone... 




 I need a break, I need a vacation, I need to go somewhere
 far away.  I need to have my feet, in the sand with a drink in my hand.  Oh, how I miss those days.

Happy Sunday, looking forward to the cool front that
 is suppose to arrive on tomorrow.  We are already pretty much, full swing  into summer, a nice 92 yesterday.  Yeah, it gonna be a hot one this year.

xoxo,

Shanna

Happy April 1...

What a beautiful weekend!  It feels more like summer than spring.  Hope the sun is shining bright wherever you are! 

It has been another busy week!  I have pretty much passed out every night by 8:00!  Actually last night, I think we were all asleep before 8:00.  We had the family over yesterday to celebrate my nephew’s 5^th birthday…  Seriously, where does the time go!?!  Of course I was in heaven, I got to have cake, and more cake, and more cake!  Yes, I had 3 pieces of cake yesterday, and I enjoyed every bite! So don’t judge! Now I just wish I had more cake… 

The kiddos enjoyed playing outside, and playing with trains.   

  My little man is looking forward to next weekend.  He is excited about getting to color eggs.  He keeps asking me about green eggs!  So green eggs it will be I guess!  We will have another house full next weekend for Easter.
   

I sure do LOVE these two!  They are my world, and I hope one day, they truly understand how much they mean to me!  

Happy April 1, cheers to a beautiful day!  

Xoxo,  

Shanna

Truth is...

Life has been a little crazy lately, I can feel my head spinning round and round, just trying to get a handle on everything that I currently have on my plate.  Truth is, I love to be busy, I feed off of it…  But, I will say at this moment, I have a little more on my plate than I might be able to chew at one time.  I have had to rearrange my schedule almost every day, to make sure everything is getting taken care of, but truth is, not everything is getting taken care of.  Truth is, I’m not taking care of myself at all! 

I didn’t realize how bad I had let myself go, until yesterday when my son informed me that “mama has a big belly, and has baby”!  Awesome, what do you say to that!?!  Uh yeah, NO mama isn’t with baby, and thanks for the wonderful compliment!  Really, I know I’m not High School skinny, but really, I don’t think I look pregnant! 

Truth is, I keep forgetting my sweet baby boy isn’t a baby anymore.  This morning, he reminded me as I was getting breakfast ready, “not to call him baby boy, because he was a big boy”!  First, yes you are right, but you will always be my baby boy, and I’m your mother, so I can say what I want!  Second, way to go with that sentence you just put together like it was nothing! 

Truth is, each day you are getting better and better with your words and putting sentences together.  I will catch you playing with your trains, and sometimes I will sit outside your room door and listen to you talk with your trains, and call out their names.  And you truly know every Thomas the Tank Engine train ever made, and are trying your best, to get every train.  I can’t believe it; I thought we already had them all.  But thanks to YouTube and the iPad, we have clearly been proven wrong.  And you have no problem asking for us to buy you more trains.  Every day when I get home from work, you start in with what train you want mama to buy next.  Its okay sweet boy, I’m happy to see you too!  Thanks for the hug and kiss, along with the $100 list of trains you want!   Sure thing sweet baby boy, I will just walk right outside our back door, and go shake the fund tree!  Oh wait, it doesn’t work that way! 

Truth is, little man, I’m so crazy about you!  I’m so proud of you, and everything that you have accomplished over the last year!  And it melts my heart, to hear you say “mama I miss you” and “mama I miss you more”!  Sweet boy, mama misses every minute we aren’t together! 

Happy Saturday, looking forward to a couple of days off with the family!

xoxo, 

Shanna

20 months...

My sweet Ash is now 20 months old!  I can’t believe in just four short months, my sweet baby girl will be TWO years old!  

Sweet girl, you have become a little helper, or so that is what your teachers and daddy tells me!  I’m still waiting on you to help me, pickup your toys, clothes, shoes and whatever else you decide to drag out to bring to the party.  But I do enjoy listening to the stories, and thinking how cute you must look helping clean house, or helping the teachers’ pickup all the nap sacks after nap time.

My sweet Ash, loves her little babies.  It is so sweet to watch you hug and kiss your babies!  I’m kinda excited that you are finally getting interested in girly things.  I was almost getting worried, that you might not, since you were so caught up in messing with bubba’s trains, cars, and blocks. 

You are getting so much better with your words, but you aren’t really chatty.  We usually have to ask you, what it is that you want, before you will say anything.  Not all the time, but most of the time, we do.  I know that will change, look at your brother, we can’t get him to stop talking.  So I will enjoy this moment of silence, it’s like the calm before the storm.

Last but definitely not least, you LOVE to be naked!  We have a really hard time keeping your clothes on you.  I will never forget, walking in on you the other day, you had seriously taken all your clothes off, along with your diaper, to take a nap.  You looked so sweet and innocent lying there, so peaceful.  

Happy 20 months sweet Ash!  We love you, my little angel!
  

xoxo, Shanna

All in a morning...

Yesterday morning, I woke to my daughter bare bottom, diaper off!  Wish I had a picture of my face to insert here! 

Then, after breakfast, my daughter decided to take her clothes off again, but this time she pooped on the floor.  Awesome, just how I wanted to spend my morning, cleaning up crap!

***disregard the pile of laundry***

Seriously!

We have tired putting the diapers on backwards, that doesn’t work…  So now the duct tape has come out.

Will see who is laughing and clapping tomorrow!

 It will probably still be you... 

  Can anyone tell me what is wrong in these pictures...  

Yeah, I should get mother of the year...  Not only do I let my daughter crap wherever she chooses, I also let her put her feet on the table, and stand up in her chair!  And sometimes, I even let her eat off of the floor.  I'm an awesome mom! 

xoxo, Shanna

19 months, and some change…

I seem to keep falling behind…  I was so good at posting, and then life took over and what was a hobby has become nonexistent.

My little girl is now almost 20 months old, but we still have 13 days until then, so we will say she is 19 months and some change old.

Little girl, mama thinks you’re so beautiful!  I love to just sat and watch you, and dream of what the future will hold for you.  I hope that life is so much easier for you, than it has been for me.  You are full of so much life, and have more energy than the energizer bunny.  You have finally gotten to where you will sit still for me to read you a book, and I enjoy so much having you in my lap, and us reading together.  Your brother loved, and still does, to have books read to him.  I’m glad to see you are now enjoying this too.  My sweet angel, you are so demanding!  You have no patients, at all!  But I can’t fault you for that, nor does your mama or daddy.  So I guess you come by it naturally.

I love to watch you dance around the house, and jump from sofa to sofa (even though I don’t approve).  You love to jump, and be chased.

I love curling up with you at night, and us talking before bed, and you going through all the words you can say.  Mama finds it quite amusing…

You are a girl after my own heart; you love shoes, clothes and purses.  I see a many girl days, in our future.

Lately you have also started showing some signs of being ready to start potty training.  We have put you on the potty a few times, and nothing has happened, but I have to say, I’m ready for this.  Mama is tired of buying diapers, and changing them.

Little girl, you are so sweet, and you have the most adorable face.  I love you, more than you will ever know.  Happy 19 months, and some change.

xoxo, Shanna

What happened to February...

Time just seems to be passing by, before I know it.  I can’t believe we are at the end of February.

Life has definitely been hard the last few weeks.  I know it will get better, but right now, it is really stressing me out.   I could use a nice Spa day, oh how I mess those days.  I could also use a goodnights sleep.  But I will keep on hoping, and see what happens.  You can wish and one hand, and sh!t in the other and see which gets filled first!

Thankfully, I’m finally feeling better.  I just wish I had some energy.  There I go again with the wishing…

The kiddos have been busy being kids, and driving me a little crazy, I didn’t say that!  Ash is just very demanding, and wants to be held all the time.  I don’t remember the little man being so demanding; he has always been so easy going.  I’m not complaining, I’m just putting it out there, that she can make one wish that bed time was at 7:00am, if you know what I mean.  The clothes I got her from the Gap came in last night, and I can’t wait to play dress up.  That might be on the schedule for tomorrow.

 

I finally treated myself to some TOMS yesterday, and let me just say, I LOVE THEM!  They are so comfortable.  I think I might go buy another pair.  Every now and then, I feel I need to treat myself to something I want.  But I will need to stop, over the last week I have spent more money than I have in probably the past two months.  So, I need to go back on a spending freeze…  But, I do need to buy a dress for a wedding that we have next week, after that, I’m done.

I’m still losing a pound here and there, I wish more than a pound here and there, but I will take what I can get.  I’m just glad I’m losing some weight.  The only thing that sucks, is I’m not getting to enjoy the food I love.  Which I’m sure my husband is glad that I’m not going out to lunch every day, but I do miss it.  It was my escape…  Now I eat at my desk and end up working through lunch. 

Sorry for the boring post…  Cheers to it being Friday.  I’m ready for the weekend, and not having to wake-up to an alarm.  I just wish (I know, another I wish…  I have a lot of them), I could get the little man to sleep in until 8:00 or later.  One can hope!

xoxo, Shanna